That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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