Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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