I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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