Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
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I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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