just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Is it because I queefed?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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