i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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