I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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