More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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