Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
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burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
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He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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