he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
A bitchslap is in order.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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