sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
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Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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