oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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