Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
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it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
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Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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