I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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