i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
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You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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