The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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