Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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