I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize