True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize