My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I would fuck him just for his dog
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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