Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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