He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize