She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
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her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
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I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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