you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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