Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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