Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize