Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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