i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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