i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize