When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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