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i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
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