So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize