Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
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No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
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The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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