i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
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officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have tasted many bathrooms
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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