"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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