I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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