What a fucking waste of an outfit
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
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Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
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I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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