this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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