I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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