i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize