I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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