I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
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I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
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I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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