Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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