im holly from the hills drunk
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
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They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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