Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
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Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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