so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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