I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
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She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
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Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize