I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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