It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
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I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
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You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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