somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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